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Jokes..

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Comments

  • cafcfan said:

    How about I tried to start up a Green Party football team but they couldn't play because the penalty areas had been set aside for growing wild flowers and they wouldn't cut the grass.

    How about you post an actual joke on the jokes thread?
  • cafcfan said:

    How about I tried to start up a Green Party football team but they couldn't play because the penalty areas had been set aside for growing wild flowers and they wouldn't cut the grass.

    How about you post an actual joke on the jokes thread?
    Oh, the delcious irony.
  • Every two years, my village holds a festival that lasts three weeks, featuring all kinds of events. I eagerly bought a ticket for Brass on the Grass.

    Fucking waste of money that was.
  • Dad was becoming increasingly frustrated at his young son's poor performance at school. And his disobedience, general attitude and bad behaviour.

    As a last resort he sent his son away to a Catholic boarding school in the hope that things might turn around. At the end of the first term the father couldn't believe the change. Good marks, perfect behaviour, great report from the school.

    Dad congratulated his son and asked about the change which had come over him, to which son replied:

    In the front entrance of the school was a huge picture of Christ on the cross and I thought: Crikey, they don't piss around here do they!
  • Two vicars on the train, one is doing a crossword says to the other.

    'Four down, four letters, strictly feminine, ends in U N T'

    'AUNT' replies the other.

    'Brilliant, have you got a rubber?'

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  • Bad example of a "Dad" joke (brought home by my grandson)

    What's the best time to go to the dentist?


    2:30
  • Bad example of a "Dad" joke (brought home by my grandson)

    What's the best time to go to the dentist?


    2:30

    Irish dentist, Phil McCavity

    **Sorry for any offence this joke may cause**
    I'm offended. That's blatantly a Scottish name.
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  • Sweaties are Macs
  • The wife gave me a right lecture about the rights and wrongs of fellatio, and that if I really loved her I wouldn't ask.

    Boy did I give her a mouthful!
  • Taxi_Lad said:

    Just heard the sad news of a mate being run over by several vehicles.
    First was a red lorry then a yellow lorry then another red lorry followed by another yellow one !
    There was no easy way to tell his family !!!

    Pinched that
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