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Jokes..

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    man_at_millettsman_at_milletts
    The missus has just ran off with a limbo dancer.

    Honestly, how low can a man go!
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    cantersaddickcantersaddick
    cafcfan said:

    southendnewsnetwork.com/news/mums-outrage-after-toddler-is-banned-from-vegan-childs-birthday-party-for-wearing-cow-onesie/

    ‘I make it my business to let everyone in my circle of friends know on a regular basis'

    Classic vegan!
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    iaitchiaitch
    She says she's bringing up her child in a hate free environment then hates the other woman.

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    cafcfancafcfan
    iaitch said:

    She says she's bringing up her child in a hate free environment then hates the other woman.

    @cantersaddick did the honourable thing by self-whoosing. But just to be clear the Southend News Network is a spoof site much like The Daily Mash. They were most famously responsible for the Dartford Crossing Song.

    In this item the clue (as is often the case) is in the names. The vegan is Mrs Soy-Abbinton.

    My favourite recent one of their's is the guy that asked for a tattoo "of that bloke from the Jam" -that is Paul Weller - but ended up with the Golly from Robinson's Marmalade.
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    iaitchiaitch
    Oh ok, I fell for that one then.
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    pettgrapettgra
    My mate's satnav said bear left.
    He ended up in a zoo.
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    AddicksAddictAddicksAddict
    pettgra said:

    My mate's satnav said bear left.
    He ended up in a zoo.

    Surely for there to be a bear close enough on the left for the satnav to pass comment, he must have already been in the zoo?
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    pettgrapettgra
    AddicksAddict said:

    pettgra said:

    My mate's satnav said bear left.
    He ended up in a zoo.

    Surely for there to be a bear close enough on the left for the satnav to pass comment, he must have already been in the zoo?
    Good point for a crap joke!
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    thai malaysia addickthai malaysia addick
    pettgra said:

    My mate's satnav said bear left.
    He ended up in a zoo.

    I suppose a ewe turn could mean you were on a farm
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    twiggyaddicktwiggyaddick
    What does a bloke with erectile dysfunction and tottenham have in common?

    They can never get past a semi
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    pettgrapettgra
    I tried to start up a socialist football team. No good, everyone wanted to be on the left.
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    iainmentiainment
    pettgra said:

    I tried to start up a capitalist football team. No good, everyone wanted to be on the right.

    FIFY
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    SoundAsa£SoundAsa£
    edited April 2017
    I tried to start up a liberal football team. No good, everyone wanted to be in the centre.
    Posted whilst pissed!
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    RedroboRedrobo
    SoundAsa£ said:

    I tried to start up a liberal football team. No good, everyone wanted to be in the centre.
    Posted whilst pissed!

    That would explain the lack of humour, but no doubt it had you in stiches. Having been there so many times before I am giving it a lol. I hope you enjoy your evening sir.
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    A-R-T-H-U-RA-R-T-H-U-R
    stonemuse said:

    .

    Wow, 9 months since I posted it...like a little baby re emerging, but with more LOL's!
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    A-R-T-H-U-RA-R-T-H-U-R
    'A few decades ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs.

    Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs.

    Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.'
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    stonemusestonemuse
    A-R-T-H-U-R said:

    stonemuse said:

    .

    Wow, 9 months since I posted it...like a little baby re emerging, but with more LOL's!
    lol sorry mate, missed that
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    man_at_millettsman_at_milletts
    edited April 2017
    A-R-T-H-U-R said:

    'A few decades ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs.

    Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs.

    Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.'

    .
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    cafcfancafcfan
    How about I tried to start up a Green Party football team but they couldn't play because the penalty areas had been set aside for growing wild flowers and they wouldn't cut the grass.
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    cafcfancafcfan
    Or an SNP football team - because they couldn't find anyone who could actually play...
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    A-R-T-H-U-RA-R-T-H-U-R
    edited April 2017
    stonemuse said:

    A-R-T-H-U-R said:

    stonemuse said:

    .

    Wow, 9 months since I posted it...like a little baby re emerging, but with more LOL's!
    lol sorry mate, missed that
    No, don't apologize. It's not like anyone owns these jokes. I think it's brilliant that there are over 100 pages of (mainly) jokes.
    Perhaps there should be a steady re-using of the early ones, like the backdrop of a Hanna Barbera cartoon chase.
    I also love the fact that the LOLs sometimes include the same people LOL ing twice, it shows a wonderful consistency (or maybe a damaged memory in my case!)

    I'm not a competitive person.
    I'll be the first to admit that.
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    Taxi_LadTaxi_Lad
    https://www.facebook.com/DapperLaughsFans/videos/1440643852696867/

    Hope this link works. Made me chuckle
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