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Jokes..

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  • I'm constantly making jokes about Pi. In fact, you could say I make them 22/7.

    Edited ; I've had a couple of PM's.
    22 divided by 7.

    I've taken an irrational dislike to that joke.
  • I give 10% of my income to Charity.

    and about another 20% to other prostitutes.
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  • I give 10% of my income to Charity.

    and about another 20% to other prostitutes.

    Was it one of those who was offered anal sex but refused to lower herself?
  • Mrs cafcfan had rattled through a quick crossword the other day.
    She said "I'm stuck - only got one clue left".
    "What is it", I asked.
    "Girl's name four letters ends in "E". I can only think of Rose and that doesn't fit. I must have got something else wrong" she replied.
    "Well", I said "there's your name."
    "What" she said.
    In exasperation I said, "Anne, your name, four letters ends in E".
  • I was in Canada and my car broke down so I called out the repair man to check it.
    It looks like you've blown a seal he said.
    No, just frost on my moustache. I replied.
  • Redskin said:

    Solidgone said:

    This is genuine....In the restaurant yesterday the waiter came out with a great gem. A couple sitting nearby when the wife asked the waiter if they had wifi. The waiter said, "I'm sorry...you will have to talk to your husband!"
    .....Well it tickled me.

    Have you overheard any gems?

    A well to do woman was sitting alone in a very posh restaurant waiting for her date to arrive. She took a sip of her apéritif when she suddenly let out the most almighty fart. The whole restaurant turned round and stared at the woman in horror who glared at a passing waiter and cried, 'Stop that at once!'
    'Certainly, madam,' replied the waiter,
    'Which way did it go?'
    With special thanks to Peter Sellers :0)

  • The local vicar was fuming, 'someones nicked me bike' he told the verger.

    The verger suggests that the vicar goes through the 10 commandments in his Sunday sermon, and when he gets to ' Thou shalt not steal' he would look around the congregation and see who looks guilty.

    Come Sunday, the vicar goes through the service without a mention of the 10 commandments.

    The Verger takes him to task and asks why he didn't mention it and the vicar says,' I was going through the 10 commandments in my mind beforehand, and got to 'Thou shalt no commit adultery' and remembered where I left me bike.



  • I'm constantly making jokes about Pi. In fact, you could say I make them 22/7.

    Edited ; I've had a couple of PM's.
    22 divided by 7.

    I've taken an irrational dislike to that joke.
    ARTHUR it does give a whole new meaning to the song 'Who ate all the 22/7's'

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  • Sad news: The British simile champion has died.
    We shall not see his like again.
  • cafcfan said:
    Just by way of a follow-up and probably more amusing than the original. The Sun fell for the spoof and re-ran the "story" as if it were true! https://thecanary.co/2017/04/22/sun-just-fell-spoof-news-internet-stitches/
  • What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?


    A wooly jumper.

    As told by my 4 year old
  • edited April 2017
    As told by all 4 year olds since the beginning of time...
  • It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally
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