Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become paralyzed, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.
> > A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego > when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down...... > The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" > "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?" > "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My > problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the > San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on > the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give > you $100 for your > trouble” > "I'd be happy to," said the blonde. > So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and > carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went. > Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego > when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down > the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of > a big crowd. > With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. > "What are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these > chimpanzees to the zoo!" > "Yes, I know you did," said the blonde. "But we had money left over so now > we're going to Sea World." >
A drunk staggers into a catholic church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing, the priest coughs a few times, to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally the priest pounds three times on the wall, the drunk mumbles ain't no use you knocking there's no paper on this side either.
Comments
"Yorkshire terrier" was the reply.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become paralyzed, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.
If Windolene cleans windows would a trampolene clean the homeless?
I found that out when I used to be in a very tidy rock band. OC/DC.
5 - 2 soles, 2 eels and a wet plaice in the middle
10 little piggies, two calves, a beaver, an ass, a bunch of hares and a dead fish that no one can seem to find.
It blows itself up.
Jack Daniels it is then!..
Gave him a list of eight things to do and he only did numbers one, three, five and seven.
>
> A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego
> when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down......
> The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
> "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
> "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My
> problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the
> San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on
> the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give
> you $100 for your
> trouble”
> "I'd be happy to," said the blonde.
> So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and
> carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.
> Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego
> when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down
> the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of
> a big crowd.
> With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
> "What are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these
> chimpanzees to the zoo!"
> "Yes, I know you did," said the blonde. "But we had money left over so now
> we're going to Sea World."
>
>up to me the other
>day and said 'how
>do I remove these symbols at
>the start of each line
>?
I'm making a list of reasons to move to Switzerland. The flag is a big plus.
Finally the priest pounds three times on the wall, the drunk mumbles ain't no use you knocking there's no paper on this side either.