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Broken hearted Dad

I went to my daughters school yesterday to help out with her leavers party (cooked the barbecue),I went with a heavy heart anyway because my daughter is not going to the same school as any of her friends.(i dont just mean friends leiterally anybody from her school)We live outside the catchment area and therefore the only school we could get into none of her friends are going.This is despite her primary school being less than a mile from us and being the closest to us.It broke my heart when she said goodbye to her friends and she cried her heart out,I just had to walk away,I feel absoultely shite this morning thinkin about it and said to my wife last night that I feel as if I have let her down.I feel I should have tried to move closer to her primary school,but money just wouldn't allow us.She is 13th on the waiting list for the school all her friends are attending but there is no way she will hit the top before they go back.Sorry to post a non-football related topic because I just need to get it off my chest I feel totally empty inside.


  • Sorry to hear that . im sure she will make new mates and keep in touch with good friends there as they say with a lot of things times a good healer

    My youngest leaves BBA school today

    And i cant wait and she cant wait got to be the worst run school ever. FACT
  • Gutting mate. I didn't see it but I'm told there we're tears a plenty at my sons school as the older children were leaving but all from the adults.

    13th is not a lot for a big secondary. Bound to be a few movers and those above you may settle for the other schools they get and not want to move.

    Which school is it by the way?
  • edited July 2008
    I know it's tough and it won't seem good now. But the one positive thing is that its an opportunity for her to make new friends. My son was in a similar position a few years back and everything's turned out fine.

    If it isn't too late, it's a good thing for her to collect some phone numbers of special friends. My son is still in contact with a couple of kids he went to pre-school with and he's 14 now.
  • DA9DA9
    edited July 2008
    Mate, dont beat yourself up over it, I'm sure she knows you did everything you could and still would.
    My daughter finished secondary school recently, she is going back to 6th form for 2 years, I went to her leaving do, I think part of why I felt upset is her growing up and going through stages in her life, all important stuff and heart wrenching, I think thats where a lot of your feelings would come from, take a deep breath fella.
    Kids stay in touch other ways, facebook, myspace, texts all sorts.
  • edited July 2008
    Seriously in a years time you'll look back and wonder what you were making all this fuss about (I mean that in the nicest possible sense). We are naturally protective of our kids, but you have not let her down. Kids are incredibly resilient and they make friends a lot easier than us old soaks. I am sure that you are supporting her and letting her know that she will make friends, she will be nervous on the first day back, there will be kids there that know each other and there will be kids there that don't they will all mingle on the first dy and start to develop relationships and your daughter will have the best of both worlds, she can still keep in touch with old friends out of school and have new ones in school. You could in advance explain to her new form teacher that YOU are worried and could she keep an eye out for her when they get back.

    12 months time we want a report back!!
  • Steve, don't blame yourself. It's a bloody postcode lottery. I'm sure she will keep in touch with the good friends she has and like others have said, a chance to make more friends. If she has 1/2 your personallity, then she is gonna have no problem. Daughters mate, my youngest had her leaving play at Infants yesterday, that made a bit tearful, she starts juniors in Sept, and ill be in the same boat as you this time next year when my eldest leaves to go secondary, as all her mates live in DA postcodes and I live in SE......

    Chin up.
  • Take little ones....well 18 16 13 ( always be little uns even though boys taller tahn me ! ) all had to move away right up north.with ex evil witch wife......they still got freinds from primary school and secondary from down DA9 says with the internat and text msgs its not like the old days they even chat on web and things.....
  • Thanks chaps you've got a 38 year old blubbing like a big girls blouse.DA9 you are exactly right she's growing up quick too quick,the school all her mates are going to is Coopers but I live on the other side of the main road on sevenoaks way (about 800 metres from ruxley golf course).I am goin to keep ringing them every day to check if anyone has dropped out.
  • Mate It's tough, really tough and when you take her to the new school for the first time, the same feelings will come back, but I promise you they are short lived. As Stig said, there is the opportunity for her to make new friends and as long as she makes sure that she keeps in touch with her old friends, she'll get by.

    I had a similar situation with all of my children, although admittedly not to the same extent. If I remember we threw a party at our house for our kids and some of their old friends during the holidays, to soften the blow and to make sure they kept in touch. But it's the whole vulnerability thing that gets to you and no matter what you do, you are still going to feel it for them for a time.

    I hope that you both get through it ok and when she starts bringing home her new friends you can start to relax a little.
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  • [cite]Posted By: northstandsteve[/cite]Thanks chaps you've got a 38 year old blubbing like a big girls blouse.DA9 you are exactly right she's growing up quick too quick,the school all her mates are going to is Coopers but I live on the other side of the main road on sevenoaks way (about 800 metres from ruxley golf course).I am goin to keep ringing them every day to check if anyone has dropped out.
    Nothing top be ashamed of fella, just shows you are human, and even more reason why she must be proud that you are her dad, dont forget, dads are childrens hero's and protectors, mums are the comforters and tactile ones, always remember that.
  • Steve, I was in a similar position myself, going to a grammar school when all my mates went elsewhere. Was a big deal at the time but I soon settled in, made new mates and am still in contact with friends from both the primary and grammar school...

    So, dont worry mate - all will sort itself out
  • We went through exactly the same with my son and it was because my ex wife had to move when I left her so I really felt guilty. Two years later he phoned me this morning and said he had won two school prizes as the most improved sportsperson in his school and the best academic in his year. he also has lots of very fine young friends who give teenagers a much better name than the press would let us believe. So keep your chin up there will always be positives from this apparent negative.
  • Not sure how relevant it is but i went to a secondary school where quite a few mates from the same primary school went to. But at a big school they'll get split up into classes/groups anyway and there were 6 classes of 30+ each in my year. So having a handful of mates amongst 100+ plus kids is nothing.
    Anyway the majority of my mates now are people who never went to my primary school and a lot of them are people who i never really knew properly until the 6th form. So i guess my point is it's not the end of the world, kids often make new friends.
  • Steve you'll be absolutely amazed at how quickly your daughter makes new get over these things in seconds flat and hard(and possibly heartless), as it seems she will have almost forgotten many of those friends she made at Primary School by the end of the summer holidays.
  • Steve, I really feel for you mate. I moved areas when I left Primary for senior and it was a really tough time for the first few weeks. However, things did settle down and take heart from the fact that kids make friends a whole lot easier than when we grow older and more reserved. It will all work out in the end mate, but that doesnt make it any easier right now. Hope it all works out. Tel
  • god are you lot men or mices.
  • i moved to a whole new country when i went to secondary.

    the silver lining is that she gets to make loads of new mates!
  • I like cheese and Chocolate B......what does that make me?
  • think it makes you confused!
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  • I would echo what many have said Steve. Tough though it is, in relatively short while she'll have made some new friends and things will settle down.

    I recently had the problem of moving my Son to a new school which better suited his needs. He was devastated when I told him he was going to leave his mates who he'd grown up with and who all live locally. In a relatively short time however, he has settled into his new school and made some new friends. What we did though was make sure he continued to meet with his existing ones - had them round to tea, took some of them out to the pictures. This was done basically to reassure him that he wouldn't lose touch. Today, one of his old school chums is round playing DS and Wii and cricket.

    You shouldn't repproach yourself for the way that the authorities carve up the school catchment areas, it's not your fault. Your daughter is lucky to have such caring and committed parents.

    I'm sure, in time, it will all work out.
  • edited July 2008
    My daughters all went to different secondary schools from their close friends at primary school.

    They made new friends soon enough and seemed to also have the ability to pick up where they left off with their old primary friends if and when they subsequently met them.

    The most important consideration is that you are happy with the school she is actually going to attend. The rest of it will take care of itself.

    My youngest chose to change schools after her GCSEs last year for AS and A levels and her social life has really taken off as muggins who has to ferry her here, there and everywhere is only too aware! She knew very few people at the new school before she went there.

    The main reason for us relocating to Medway nearly 24 years ago now was that they had better secondary educational opportunities than existed in SE London at the time. We knew nobody in the area but settled in and there is no way I'd come back to SE London.
  • Steve know how you feel mate.

    We moved away from area to send our son to a better schools. It meant he went to a school where only one of his friends went to but more importantly his best friend (his parents moved for the same reason).
    He was not happy BUT he has made himself a good bunch of mates at the new school and we've just been told he's done so well at the school they are putting him in for his GCSE in science next year.

    She'll make new friends
  • I know how she feels mate!

    When I left primary in 84 and went to Eaglesfield not one person from my primary went! They all went to Woolwich Polly and BBC.

    After a few weeks I forgot all about who wasen't there and made loads of new friends who I still talk to today!

    She will be fine Steve.
  • edited July 2008
    [cite]Posted By: Curb_It[/cite]god are you lot men or mices.

    Men but a wife and 3 daughters can make you go eek, eek from time to time:-)
  • [cite]Posted By: LenGlover[/cite]
    [cite]Posted By: Curb_It[/cite]god are you lot men or mices.

    Men but a wife and 3 daughters can make you go eek, eek from time to time:-)
  • [cite]Posted By: Curb_It[/cite]god are you lot men or mices.
    Quick!!! Call Curb_It; this poster thinks the plural of mouse is mices!! Oh.........whoops. Ha ha ha.
  • I was the only kid from my primary that went to my secondary school in my year, but I still stayed in touch with my closest friends from primary. As Chris says, even the kids who'd been to the same school got divided up into different classes and formed new friendship groups, so she'd still have some upheaval even if she'd gone to Coopers. Does she have any out of school activities or clubs, like Guides or something that will enable her to keep in touch with her old friends?
  • I really think these things make you stronger mate - Although a little scary a first this experience will help her when she goes to a new university or a new job or a new city - The younger you learn to make new friends the easier it is when you're older. I had the same thing moving to different schools from my mates but this has defintely helped me and have been able to move to different parts of the globe and make and keep friends in each place. It's what life is all about.
  • Wise words VA.
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