Not getting tebkatest episode of "MrLargo in/on America" yet today.
Bit of a slow news day for you sadists I'm afraid. She's only bought two bandanas since my last report and we have now moved from Playa del Carmen to a picturesque town called Bacalar that doesn't have many shops. Having said that, from what I've seen so far, if the only shop in town was an ironmongers then she would be in there negotiating the purchase of something completely unnecessary. "Oh my gaad, those self-tapping tungsten tip screws are like sooooo cute".
We set off on the three hour drive down the coast yesterday morning and it was reasonably uneventful, except for her insistence on blaring music out at top volume - a mixture of Jewish prayers set to music, gangsta rap songs about busting a ho's pussy (not a cat) and some heavy bass stuff that seemed like a soundtrack for injecting heroine. I felt like a dad ferrying his unruly daughter to the high school prom, which is a bit weird as she's a year older than me.
Yesterday evening she made the mistake of starting a conversation with some English people in a bar. I saw my opportunity to engineer this situation into a good old British piss up. I could feel the disgust in her eyes as we made our way through pretty much every tequila and mezcal on the list. I felt like a man again. Mind you, she's getting her revenge this morning - it's 11am, I'm hungover and she's already blasting out some dope beats at top volume. Every time someone walks past our balcony, I feel a sense of shame that she doesn't seem capable of recognising that we're in a tranquil, scenic town and she's the only person in at least a 15 mile radius who's shattering the peace with ditties about "the bitch is beggin' for my dick".
Anyway, 75 hours from now I'll be on my way to the airport. Never before have I craved a 10 hour flight so desperately.
Not getting tebkatest episode of "MrLargo in/on America" yet today.
Bit of a slow news day for you sadists I'm afraid. She's only bought two bandanas since my last report and we have now moved from Playa del Carmen to a picturesque town called Bacalar that doesn't have many shops. Having said that, from what I've seen so far, if the only shop in town was an ironmongers then she would be in there negotiating the purchase of something completely unnecessary. "Oh my gaad, those self-tapping tungsten tip screws are like sooooo cute".
We set off on the three hour drive down the coast yesterday morning and it was reasonably uneventful, except for her insistence on blaring music out at top volume - a mixture of Jewish prayers set to music, gangsta rap songs about busting a ho's pussy (not a cat) and some heavy bass stuff that seemed like a soundtrack for injecting heroine. I felt like a dad ferrying his unruly daughter to the high school prom, which is a bit weird as she's a year older than me.
Yesterday evening she made the mistake of starting a conversation with some English people in a bar. I saw my opportunity to engineer this situation into a good old British piss up. I could feel the disgust in her eyes as we made our way through pretty much every tequila and mezcal on the list. I felt like a man again. Mind you, she's getting her revenge this morning - it's 11am, I'm hungover and she's already blasting out some dope beats at top volume. Every time someone walks past our balcony, I feel a sense of shame that she doesn't seem capable of recognising that we're in a tranquil, scenic town and she's the only person in at least a 15 mile radius who's shattering the peace with ditties about "the bitch is beggin' for my dick".
Anyway, 75 hours from now I'll be on my way to the airport. Never before have I craved a 10 hour flight so desperately.
You done her up the arse yet?
No mate. Quite frankly, at this exact moment I'd rather have an orgy with 2 alligators and a boa constrictor. We had a "liaison" last night - I'm usually high fiving myself if I get past a minute and a half, real struggle to get over the line though. I felt like a male hooker, albeit a slightly tubby, sunburnt one that has to pay his own clients in drinks.
Not getting tebkatest episode of "MrLargo in/on America" yet today.
Bit of a slow news day for you sadists I'm afraid. She's only bought two bandanas since my last report and we have now moved from Playa del Carmen to a picturesque town called Bacalar that doesn't have many shops. Having said that, from what I've seen so far, if the only shop in town was an ironmongers then she would be in there negotiating the purchase of something completely unnecessary. "Oh my gaad, those self-tapping tungsten tip screws are like sooooo cute".
We set off on the three hour drive down the coast yesterday morning and it was reasonably uneventful, except for her insistence on blaring music out at top volume - a mixture of Jewish prayers set to music, gangsta rap songs about busting a ho's pussy (not a cat) and some heavy bass stuff that seemed like a soundtrack for injecting heroine. I felt like a dad ferrying his unruly daughter to the high school prom, which is a bit weird as she's a year older than me.
Yesterday evening she made the mistake of starting a conversation with some English people in a bar. I saw my opportunity to engineer this situation into a good old British piss up. I could feel the disgust in her eyes as we made our way through pretty much every tequila and mezcal on the list. I felt like a man again. Mind you, she's getting her revenge this morning - it's 11am, I'm hungover and she's already blasting out some dope beats at top volume. Every time someone walks past our balcony, I feel a sense of shame that she doesn't seem capable of recognising that we're in a tranquil, scenic town and she's the only person in at least a 15 mile radius who's shattering the peace with ditties about "the bitch is beggin' for my dick".
Anyway, 75 hours from now I'll be on my way to the airport. Never before have I craved a 10 hour flight so desperately.
I would piss myself if she gets your phone and finds these posts!
I've changed my pin three times this week to avoid that risk. However, I also dallied with the idea of screenshotting these posts and Whatsapping them to her to explain my mysterious disappearance, before I accepted that I'm a coward and settled down to another day of meekly following her around handbag shops.
Fitness fads, or rather people that go on about them
Talking to people at work I’m always loathed to hear what the latest pile of bollocks they have signed up for because a PR agency has got said fad a double page spread in the evening standard and they’ve bought into it
Some stuff is okay but I can’t stand these people wanking on about the new way to exercise or telling me it’s really good and I should try it.
I’m okay for handing over £30 a session for some boot camp just because it’s got a bit of branding behind it
Why don’t you just go on a proper run or cycle or swim and stop seeking attention
Last August the Crankshaft Sensor went and buggered up (£200)... My Wife had her MOT in September and needed a new Anti-Roll Bar to pass (£150), knew that I needed a new tyre and headlight ahead of my MOT this year so got that done early, didnt really mind because they're the usual things that you'd expect the car to fail on.
Nope!!... Last week my car had its MOT - its own Anti-Roll Bar failed!! (£200) - Drove into work this morning and have felt my clutch start to go so its £650 that I'm now going to have to fork out to get that replaced!!
Last August the Crankshaft Sensor went and buggered up (£200)... My Wife had her MOT in September and needed a new Anti-Roll Bar to pass (£150), knew that I needed a new tyre and headlight ahead of my MOT this year so got that done early, didnt really mind because they're the usual things that you'd expect the car to fail on.
Nope!!... Last week my car had its MOT - its own Anti-Roll Bar failed!! (£200) - Drove into work this morning and have felt my clutch start to go so its £650 that I'm now going to have to fork out to get that replaced!!
You've had an anti roll bar fitted to your missus, where did you get that done?
Last August the Crankshaft Sensor went and buggered up (£200)... My Wife had her MOT in September and needed a new Anti-Roll Bar to pass (£150), knew that I needed a new tyre and headlight ahead of my MOT this year so got that done early, didnt really mind because they're the usual things that you'd expect the car to fail on.
Nope!!... Last week my car had its MOT - its own Anti-Roll Bar failed!! (£200) - Drove into work this morning and have felt my clutch start to go so its £650 that I'm now going to have to fork out to get that replaced!!
I would imagine it's the bushes in the anti roll bar that have gone rather than the bar itself.
Last August the Crankshaft Sensor went and buggered up (£200)... My Wife had her MOT in September and needed a new Anti-Roll Bar to pass (£150), knew that I needed a new tyre and headlight ahead of my MOT this year so got that done early, didnt really mind because they're the usual things that you'd expect the car to fail on.
Nope!!... Last week my car had its MOT - its own Anti-Roll Bar failed!! (£200) - Drove into work this morning and have felt my clutch start to go so its £650 that I'm now going to have to fork out to get that replaced!!
I would imagine it's the bushes in the anti roll bar that have gone rather than the bar itself.
They're a piece of piss to change.
Yeah sorry for my car it was just the bushes in the anti-roll bar that went rather than the whole thing
Just bloody irritating the amount of cash our cars are eating at the moment
Last August the Crankshaft Sensor went and buggered up (£200)... My Wife had her MOT in September and needed a new Anti-Roll Bar to pass (£150), knew that I needed a new tyre and headlight ahead of my MOT this year so got that done early, didnt really mind because they're the usual things that you'd expect the car to fail on.
Nope!!... Last week my car had its MOT - its own Anti-Roll Bar failed!! (£200) - Drove into work this morning and have felt my clutch start to go so its £650 that I'm now going to have to fork out to get that replaced!!
I would imagine it's the bushes in the anti roll bar that have gone rather than the bar itself.
They're a piece of piss to change.
Yeah sorry for my car it was just the bushes in the anti-roll bar that went rather than the whole thing
Just bloody irritating the amount of cash our cars are eating at the moment
Yeah, they can be money pits mate. The problem with most modern cars is that there's less and less you can actually do yourself on them anymore (although they are generally more reliable).
Last August the Crankshaft Sensor went and buggered up (£200)... My Wife had her MOT in September and needed a new Anti-Roll Bar to pass (£150), knew that I needed a new tyre and headlight ahead of my MOT this year so got that done early, didnt really mind because they're the usual things that you'd expect the car to fail on.
Nope!!... Last week my car had its MOT - its own Anti-Roll Bar failed!! (£200) - Drove into work this morning and have felt my clutch start to go so its £650 that I'm now going to have to fork out to get that replaced!!
I would imagine it's the bushes in the anti roll bar that have gone rather than the bar itself.
They're a piece of piss to change.
Yeah sorry for my car it was just the bushes in the anti-roll bar that went rather than the whole thing
Just bloody irritating the amount of cash our cars are eating at the moment
Yeah, they can be money pits mate. The problem with most modern cars is that there's less and less you can actually do yourself on them anymore (although they are generally more reliable).
@DaveMehmet are you down here for this "Car show" next week? Don't know what its all about, but my ladies have had to move puppy training to the saturday and they aint happy.
Last August the Crankshaft Sensor went and buggered up (£200)... My Wife had her MOT in September and needed a new Anti-Roll Bar to pass (£150), knew that I needed a new tyre and headlight ahead of my MOT this year so got that done early, didnt really mind because they're the usual things that you'd expect the car to fail on.
Nope!!... Last week my car had its MOT - its own Anti-Roll Bar failed!! (£200) - Drove into work this morning and have felt my clutch start to go so its £650 that I'm now going to have to fork out to get that replaced!!
I would imagine it's the bushes in the anti roll bar that have gone rather than the bar itself.
They're a piece of piss to change.
Yeah sorry for my car it was just the bushes in the anti-roll bar that went rather than the whole thing
Just bloody irritating the amount of cash our cars are eating at the moment
Yeah, they can be money pits mate. The problem with most modern cars is that there's less and less you can actually do yourself on them anymore (although they are generally more reliable).
@DaveMehmet are you down here for this "Car show" next week? Don't know what its all about, but my ladies have had to move puppy training to the saturday and they aint happy.
Last August the Crankshaft Sensor went and buggered up (£200)... My Wife had her MOT in September and needed a new Anti-Roll Bar to pass (£150), knew that I needed a new tyre and headlight ahead of my MOT this year so got that done early, didnt really mind because they're the usual things that you'd expect the car to fail on.
Nope!!... Last week my car had its MOT - its own Anti-Roll Bar failed!! (£200) - Drove into work this morning and have felt my clutch start to go so its £650 that I'm now going to have to fork out to get that replaced!!
I would imagine it's the bushes in the anti roll bar that have gone rather than the bar itself.
They're a piece of piss to change.
Yeah sorry for my car it was just the bushes in the anti-roll bar that went rather than the whole thing
Just bloody irritating the amount of cash our cars are eating at the moment
Yeah, they can be money pits mate. The problem with most modern cars is that there's less and less you can actually do yourself on them anymore (although they are generally more reliable).
@DaveMehmet are you down here for this "Car show" next week? Don't know what its all about, but my ladies have had to move puppy training to the saturday and they aint happy.
Last August the Crankshaft Sensor went and buggered up (£200)... My Wife had her MOT in September and needed a new Anti-Roll Bar to pass (£150), knew that I needed a new tyre and headlight ahead of my MOT this year so got that done early, didnt really mind because they're the usual things that you'd expect the car to fail on.
Nope!!... Last week my car had its MOT - its own Anti-Roll Bar failed!! (£200) - Drove into work this morning and have felt my clutch start to go so its £650 that I'm now going to have to fork out to get that replaced!!
I would imagine it's the bushes in the anti roll bar that have gone rather than the bar itself.
They're a piece of piss to change.
Yeah sorry for my car it was just the bushes in the anti-roll bar that went rather than the whole thing
Just bloody irritating the amount of cash our cars are eating at the moment
Yeah, they can be money pits mate. The problem with most modern cars is that there's less and less you can actually do yourself on them anymore (although they are generally more reliable).
@DaveMehmet are you down here for this "Car show" next week? Don't know what its all about, but my ladies have had to move puppy training to the saturday and they aint happy.
Yes mate, I'll be there. You going?
I may wander up for a beer in the club.
OK mate, give me a shout when you get there. I'll be there fairly early as they like to have all the show cars in place before the general public arrive.
Very quick holiday update, as some of you seem to be taking an interest in it.
Last couple of days have actually been really nice, and now that she's away from the shopping environment we've got on pretty well and I'm enjoying her company. Appreciate this probably isn't what some of you were hoping to hear but I have warmed to her a fair bit. To be honest, the only thing that stops it from being the perfect romantic getaway is that every time she speaks and every time I look at her, I have red hot hatred pulsing through my veins like boiling oil.
Anyway, she's nearly finished having her henna tattoo done, and I urgently need another strong drink. My next update will hopefully be a closure report when I'm flying home on Saturday.
I'm keeping myself sane by constantly singing that "Bertie Mee said to Bill Shankly" chant. I love you Charlton, I love you England.
so, everyting is good apart from everyting she says & everything she does.
Yeah, perhaps the sarcasm didn't come across that well on my previous post. It's 3 rashers of hate, 2 Cumberland hateages, poached hates, bubble & hate, a couple of slices of hate pudding, hate beans, grilled tomhatos and, because I'm trying to be healthy, a nice slice of hatefruit.
so, everyting is good apart from everyting she says & everything she does.
Yeah, perhaps the sarcasm didn't come across that well on my previous post. It's 3 rashers of hate, 2 Cumberland hateages, poached hates, bubble & hate, a couple of slices of hate pudding, hate beans, grilled tomhatos and, because I'm trying to be healthy, a nice slice of hatefruit.
so, everyting is good apart from everyting she says & everything she does.
Yeah, perhaps the sarcasm didn't come across that well on my previous post. It's 3 rashers of hate, 2 Cumberland hateages, poached hates, bubble & hate, a couple of slices of hate pudding, hate beans, grilled tomhatos and, because I'm trying to be healthy, a nice slice of hatefruit.
Very quick holiday update, as some of you seem to be taking an interest in it.
Last couple of days have actually been really nice, and now that she's away from the shopping environment we've got on pretty well and I'm enjoying her company. Appreciate this probably isn't what some of you were hoping to hear but I have warmed to her a fair bit. To be honest, the only thing that stops it from being the perfect romantic getaway is that every time she speaks and every time I look at her, I have red hot hatred pulsing through my veins like boiling oil.
Anyway, she's nearly finished having her henna tattoo done, and I urgently need another strong drink. My next update will hopefully be a closure report when I'm flying home on Saturday.
I'm keeping myself sane by constantly singing that "Bertie Mee said to Bill Shankly" chant. I love you Charlton, I love you England.
This saga deserves it's own thread admin @i_b_b_o_r_g
Comments
I mean, why would you do that?
Talking to people at work I’m always loathed to hear what the latest pile of bollocks they have signed up for because a PR agency has got said fad a double page spread in the evening standard and they’ve bought into it
Some stuff is okay but I can’t stand these people wanking on about the new way to exercise or telling me it’s really good and I should try it.
I’m okay for handing over £30 a session for some boot camp just because it’s got a bit of branding behind it
Why don’t you just go on a proper run or cycle or swim and stop seeking attention
Last August the Crankshaft Sensor went and buggered up (£200)... My Wife had her MOT in September and needed a new Anti-Roll Bar to pass (£150), knew that I needed a new tyre and headlight ahead of my MOT this year so got that done early, didnt really mind because they're the usual things that you'd expect the car to fail on.
Nope!!... Last week my car had its MOT - its own Anti-Roll Bar failed!! (£200) - Drove into work this morning and have felt my clutch start to go so its £650 that I'm now going to have to fork out to get that replaced!!
They're a piece of piss to change.
Just bloody irritating the amount of cash our cars are eating at the moment
Last couple of days have actually been really nice, and now that she's away from the shopping environment we've got on pretty well and I'm enjoying her company. Appreciate this probably isn't what some of you were hoping to hear but I have warmed to her a fair bit. To be honest, the only thing that stops it from being the perfect romantic getaway is that every time she speaks and every time I look at her, I have red hot hatred pulsing through my veins like boiling oil.
Anyway, she's nearly finished having her henna tattoo done, and I urgently need another strong drink. My next update will hopefully be a closure report when I'm flying home on Saturday.
I'm keeping myself sane by constantly singing that "Bertie Mee said to Bill Shankly" chant. I love you Charlton, I love you England.
Hatey, hatey, hate.
(I'm only here because I thought it was cha cha charlton life)