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Work related sickness excuses

Heard one this AM

Train driver got a paper cut took 2 weeks off ashe could not turn the handle in the cab

Anyone else heard of poor excuses like this?

Comments

  • No mate(worst) has to be the copper done for speeding and then giving it bollo* he was answering an emergancy call. Ok silly and he will loose his job but the worst part has to be his defence of "Post Dramatic Stress Disorder" after being in the TA in Iraq in 2003 !!! Insult to all the people that do have it and to those seving.

    Might try PDSD when i dont show at work and say i lived in Deptford for 12 years !!
  • Not sure if I posted it on here or Netaddicks but I used to manage a gay bloke and he was off sick with "back trouble"

    When he sent his Doctor's note in, it read "Collapsed Rectal Muscles!"
  • [cite]Posted By: DaveMehmet[/cite]Not sure if I posted it on here or Netaddicks but I used to manage a gay bloke and he was off sick with "back trouble"

    When he sent his Doctor's note in, it read "Collapsed Rectal Muscles!"

    Thats made me cringe!
  • Been signed off again
  • bloke at work rang in once saying his cat was ill. Didn't go down too well.
  • [cite]Posted By: DaveMehmet[/cite]Not sure if I posted it on here or Netaddicks but I used to manage a gay bloke and he was off sick with "back trouble"

    When he sent his Doctor's note in, it read "Collapsed Rectal Muscles!"


    oh leave it dave - that's minging.
  • Dave that is nasty
  • "Dave that is nasty"

    Tell me about it.

    On a similar note, I had to go to the Doctor's a couple of years ago as I was passing blood.

    She told me it was probably an internal pile and I'd need an examination, would I mind her doing it or would I prefer a male doctor?

    I told her as long as she didn't mind I didn't but please be careful as it's been one way traffic for 38 years!

    It was 'kin agaony and when I got home and told the wife she said (once she stopped laughing) that it was just as well I didn't ask for a male doctor as he would have had thicker fingers!!
  • My mate I used to work with rang in and said,"I've had skin full and dont feel like it today".
    Considering the position he had in the company, it took balls to say that. A little while later he was offered redudantcy.
  • [quote][cite]Posted By: DaveMehmet[/cite]"Dave that is nasty"

    Tell me about it.

    On a similar note, I had to go to the Doctor's a couple of years ago as I was passing blood.

    She told me it was probably an internal pile and I'd need an examination, would I mind her doing it or would I prefer a male doctor?

    I told her as long as she didn't mind I didn't but please be careful as it's been one way traffic for 38 years!

    It was 'kin agaony and when I got home and told the wife she said (once she stopped laughing) that it was just as well I didn't ask for a male doctor as he would have had thicker fingers!![/quote]

    [quote][cite]Posted By: DaveMehmet[/cite]"Dave that is nasty"

    Tell me about it.

    On a similar note, I had to go to the Doctor's a couple of years ago as I was passing blood.

    She told me it was probably an internal pile and I'd need an examination, would I mind her doing it or would I prefer a male doctor?

    I told her as long as she didn't mind I didn't but please be careful as it's been one way traffic for 38 years!

    It was 'kin agaony and when I got home and told the wife she said (once she stopped laughing) that it was just as well I didn't ask for a male doctor as he would have had thicker fingers!![/quote]

    Thanks - that has seriously put me off my meatballs. They were going down a treat an all..
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  • There was a bloke here due to work a nightshift who called up about half hour before his shift started clearly worse for wear and left a message on the answer phone saying he'd been out on the p!ss all day and had "pulled some Spannish bird who'd promised to do naughty things to him" and wouldn't be making the shift! My manager played it to me, he was laughing as much as I was, lucky he's so laid back really.
  • Used to work with an old West Indian boy who rung it to say he wouldnt be in today because he's just had an heart attack......but he'll be in tomorrow.

    And he was, and got away with it.
  • My pal in Thailand collects internal company emails explaining absences....

    Pannee is sick so she will be in the office today
    I will go to Ministry in Labour please contact Khun Pawana
    Thanyaraj is going to execute in Phnom Penh from Feb 6 to 15
    Kasem going to Fasion Island and Nattawut going to Paragon to take VD In-Store
    Nookie takes sick leave today
    K.Chaleampol has stomached, he will be in late.
    Attchara (Gib) have dose not feel well will come a bit late
    K. Parichart takes his half day annual leave today
    Prucksawan going to the Saint Louis Hospital for Roll-on Sniff
    Khun Thitirat (Thip) will be in late, dew to rain.
    Pichaya has bubbly butt, will come in around 11 a.m.
  • one girl i worked with rang in sick with Dysentery and said she would be back in the following day. Which she was. Very quick recovery.
  • [cite]Posted By: DaveMehmet[/cite]Not sure if I posted it on here or Netaddicks but I used to manage a gay bloke and he was off sick with "back trouble"

    When he sent his Doctor's note in, it read "Collapsed Rectal Muscles!"

    PMSFL
  • A few years ago I was in work early one day and someone rang in sick. As I was just about the first in that day I took the call. A few minutes later an Irish girl came in so I told her that so and so wouldn't be in that day - adding that she was "Moby Dick".

    A short while later I heard the Irish girl telling someone that this girl wouldn't be in, no she didn't know what was wrong with her but apparently it had something to do with a "whale".
  • Got caught out one saturday (whilst accepting it as overtime) for leaving work early. Incident occurred (theft of mechanical plant) and no one could find me. Monday i was summoned in front of my bosses and asked of my whereabouts. I replied that i had shit myself and had to go home.
    It was apparent that they were hellbent on finding a scapegoat for Saturdays loss, but looked at eachover a little dumbstruck and replied " that will be all".
    Suckers.
    Another cracker was when me and my mate had been on the beer and decided to give work the miss the following morning. After deciding who was to call in sick the following morning, my mate said that he wouldn't be in due to being sick. He then went on to say that i wouldn't be in also. When asked "how do you know he's sick"? He replied "he's just got out of my bed".
  • edited April 2008
    [quote][cite]Posted By: Robbo on the wing[/cite]Got caught out one saturday (whilst accepting it as overtime) for leaving work early. Incident occurred (theft of mechanical plant) and no one could find me. Monday i was summoned in front of my bosses and asked of my whereabouts. I replied that i had shit myself and had to go home.
    It was apparent that they were hellbent on finding a scapegoat for Saturdays loss, but looked at eachover a little dumbstruck and replied " that will be all".
    Suckers.
    Another cracker was when me and my mate had been on the beer and decided to give work the miss the following morning. After deciding who was to call in sick the following morning, my mate said that he wouldn't be in due to being sick. He then went on to say that i wouldn't be in also. When asked "how do you know he's sick"? He replied "he's just got out of my bed".[/quote]

    Lol...................
  • Dunno about worst, but by far the best excuse I've ever heard was "Tony can't come to the meeting because he has been savaged by a leopard".

    This bloke was a big pow-wow at one of the major IT Security companies, he was due to come into where I was working at the time and give a consult on a problem with one of our systems but, two weeks previously he was working on a big cat sanctuary (he did this every year apparently) and got set upon by a leopard, which ripped him open from neck to backside - he needed about 400 stitches and was stuck in a shitty Namibian hospital out on the desert for a month
  • [cite]Posted By: Leroy Ambrose[/cite]Dunno about worst, but by far the best excuse I've ever heard was "Tony can't come to the meeting because he has been savaged by a leopard".

    This bloke was a big pow-wow at one of the major IT Security companies, he was due to come into where I was working at the time and give a consult on a problem with one of our systems but, two weeks previously he was working on a big cat sanctuary (he did this every year apparently) and got set upon by a leopard, which ripped him open from neck to backside - he needed about 400 stitches and was stuck in a shitty Namibian hospital out on the desert for a month

    Pussy
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  • LMFAO - can't believe I didn't think of that at the time!
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